


The Aftermath

by missing_in_action



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Female Hange Zoë, LeviHan Week, Multi, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-09-18 14:26:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9389096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missing_in_action/pseuds/missing_in_action
Summary: MAJOR SPOILERS. (Post War Period)Hange was the most enthusiastic person in the world. The one who can always manage to light up a smile (or a cringe) in everyone's faces. She seemed to be happy, tenacious, and too smart to the point that everyone prefers not to engage themselves in a conversation with her. Hange was someone who never fails to place at least a frown or an awkward gape to people she've met. That's what everyone believes. Everyone. But not to the most intimidating corporal Levi.





	1. The end is not the end

**Author's Note:**

> Changed the title from The Specimen of the Unhinged to The Aftermath. I still have the same plotline in mind and I thought I just came across the most fitting and appropriate title for this story. 
> 
> MAJOR SPOILERS. Please do not read until the latest arc in the manga. I do not own Attack on Titan and these post war scenes are just inspired and are based off from the original series.

~~~~Hanji looked at her surroundings, a little uneasy of the absence of the walls that used to serve as humanity’s protection from the freaks that she was always curious about. The soldiers she fought alongside with, her fallen comrades, each precious life that were willing and were wholeheartedly determined to secure humanity’s future finally bore its glorious fruit. Despair, revenge, fury, and wrath were among the many emotions that fuelled the soldiers’ morale in achieving the bright future ahead of them. There laid the huge debris in front of them, the fallen soldiers lying lifeless; bloodied and incomplete, the smoke that clouded the supposedly clear bright day, the 3DMGs that were no longer reliable because of lack of resources, and the silent weeping of those who remained. It’s over. It’s finally over.

Nobody dared to speak a word as they gathered in a small circle. All of them are physically, emotionally, and psychologically injured. Not a single word could possibly lift up their already broken and shattered souls. The last war is over yet victory couldn’t even change their mood for the better.

“Victory is finally ours.” The 14th Commander, Hange Zoe subsequently took over the position after the death of Erwin Smith. It was a massive loss on their side, losing their brilliant soldiers especially some of the many veterans.

“Eren, Armin, you two did a fine job with your titan powers.” Hange continued as she received no reply from earlier. “Everyone, congratulations for not dying. However, this very moment is not ours. Let us not waste the death of our fallen soldiers. It is our duty to ensure the future ahead by which they themselves have given their lives upon. This is their victory.” Hange said in a silent salute. She had her last sentence in a whisper that even she herself couldn’t hear. This might be the last post- expedition trauma and she doesn’t have to expect for more deaths and fear for the life of her own. Grief always happens after each cataclysmic expedition, like all other expeditions in the past. Never has she ever cried in their losses before. Not even those who are close to her. She tries to suppress her emotion for there are more deaths to expect back then. But now that the outside of the walls are finally free from the danger caused by the man eating monsters, there'd be no expeditions so tragic in the near future. And all Hanji wanted is to cry her heart out to all those who lost their lives in all expeditions they had.

The 14th Commander looked at her soldiers, feeling the knot in her stomach and her tears that are threatening to fall. This might be the most dramatic background she’s ever seen in her entire life, with all the dispirited people in front of her and the immobile bodies everywhere, she felt like breaking down. She laments and extends her gratefulness in a way she doesn’t even know how. It’s over. Now she can finally cry.

  
\---

 

He heard a sob, the painful mourning even he himself could feel right deep down his core. On the other side of the huge broken wall fragment, he spotted the familiar brown hair of his new commander, looking all dusty and dishevelled. Night had finally crept in and the process of retrieving the corpses was almost done, excluding those who are fully consumed by the titans.

Levi sat on the opposite end of the broken wall as he listened to the crying Hange. He kept himself quiet at first, respecting her moment of grief as well as worrying for her and everyone’s weary bodies. The war felt like a lifetime. He almost forgot how it felt living in peace and silence; not that he’s ever lived that way, anyway. And to think that many of his comrades have fallen, he was sure as heck he’s going to have another hard time in coping once again.

He considers it a cycle. The never ending deaths he has faced for years wasn’t even patching up yet there comes the deaths of others. Perhaps that could be the reason why he’s never attached himself to anyone. But then, he can’t help but feel relieved to see Hanji survive. The woman might be very careless and overexcited at times and it’s quite a surprise she’s ever managed to survive.

“It’s time to go home, Shitty Glasses.” He said under his breathe, making sure the bespectacled woman on the other side could hear.  
He heard no response but the same constant sob from earlier. Knowing Levi, he’s never the man of words and there’s no way he could ever comfort someone when he can’t even heal his own wounds.

“It’s over.” He spoke, “let’s go home.”

Hanji, on the other side of Levi who was only separated by a huge fragment of the wall, couldn’t think but all the gruesome images from the past hour. She knows Levi is hurting too. She knows all too well that despite of the glares his face has long mustered, deep inside he’s wreaking havoc. It is way too selfish of her to weep on her own like she’s owned the greatest pain ever. No, she’s not the only one and she needs to snap out of it.

She thought it was really nice of him to say those words. It felt too gentle, too soft. And she’s certain he meant not the place as her home but the survivors who remained.

“Yeah. Levi, Let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully, this will be followed by several chapters more or less. I just love the dynamics between this couple and I really really can't get enough of Levi and Hange together. They could be anything! Their relationship is so unique that they could pass as literally anything (friends, best friends, sibling, rivals, couples, etc.), according to some headcanons I've read and of course, with my own conviction! Anyway, the manga might take a huge turn and I wouldn't know who died and who lived.


	2. Cheap Spirits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “A tormented mind wants to forget what a broken heart will always remember.”  
> ― Anthony Liccione

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Season 2 is fast approaching and dammit, some gruesome deaths will soon be alive with animation. I'm done with pain, I'm done with deaths, what is this feeling in my chest!?  
> Again, this whole fanfic contains lots of SPOILERS! I've warned you enough.

Levi crinkled his nose as the reeking smell of alcohol dispersed the dim lit tavern. There were only few people inside and surprisingly, the place wasn’t too loud and noisy as he expected it to be. Most of the people he saw were soldiers from different branches of the military.

The war has cost them too much. Perhaps this serves as one of their coping strategies in order for them to retain their sanity; just like him. But first and foremost, it wasn’t at all his idea as to why he was on the tavern’s threshold originally. As a matter of fact, it only reminded him of the times when he, Erwin, Mike, and the other veterans used to slack off and avoid some of the paper works that doesn’t require some of their attention just yet. The same old tavern he shared with his deceased comrades, as they cursed and mourned with life’s inequity.

The only person he’s with was the ever so noisy and irritating scientist of the Survey Corps. She was babbling out about their recent expedition that led them to victory. He listened. From the strategies they used, the people assigned on their respective post, the Scout’s cohesiveness, all the sacrifices, their losses, their victory that caused too much pain thus far happiness and gratefulness as well. This time, she’s far less than a rational human being she was never known of. Hange’s constant preaching always drives Levi insane. This very instant should be no different than before but considering that there was only the two of them, the only remaining superiors in command, he thought he’d be a little reminiscent to their friends who no longer shared the same surroundings as them.

Upon entering and finding their seats, she asked for the hardest alcohol the said tavern has on its shelf. And there on their table the liquor majestically laid.

“Whoa, I never knew I’d survive and experience this tingling treasure on my taste bud!” Hange said as she took her first gulp. She winced at the unsweetened liquor at first, then felt the liquid burning hot on her throat.

Levi traced the rim of his crystal glass. It must be filthy. He wondered just how many people have drank on the very glass on his hand. Giving it a light shake, he took a swig in an instant, not minding the burning sensation on his throat.

“You must have been longing for it, too, Levi?” Hange chuckled as she chugged on her third glass. “I want to be as drunk as possible. Then after that, I can cry all week long. Man, I wish there’s more of us here. You used to be so boring when we drink, Levi!”

He glared at her, reflecting on his action of how boring he was when they drink. He only wanted to feel the stupor he never felt due to alcohol consumption. He wants to forget and there’s no way he can forget if he keeps on talking.

“That’s a bold preference you got there, Shitty-glasses. You thought keeping me as your company would be the best for you, no?” Levi said, staring at another mass of liquor.

“Of course! Your height couldn’t justify just how caring you are as a comrade! I really mean that, Shorty!” she said, drinking her fifth glass. A hint of intoxication now shown on her beet red cheeks, thanks to the dim light the tavern has offered.

She drank nonstop. The more she chugged on each glass, the more he noticed just how much she’s becoming more and more talkative than she really was. He could barely handle the seemingly abnormal Hange but he doubts he could ever manage her drunk version all by himself.

“You know… I’m careless and reckless and… pretty dumb, sometimes. I’m… really surprised… I’ve managed this far.” Hange said in between slurs that Levi almost couldn’t catch up on her words. Nevertheless, he still listened and gulped his fourth glass.

The alcohol started to kick in. He just remained silent as he glared on the people around him. He always thought he’s never ever gotten drunk before. In fact, he never does. Indeed, the effect of alcohol takes a toll on his body but he never, as far as he could remember, created a drunken scene in his entire life.

“Levi, Leviiii~!” He snapped himself out of his thoughts as he stared closely at the drunken Hange who moved herself forward just to get his attention. Their faces were only an inch apart from each other and he can smell the reek of alcohol through her hot breath.

“What?” He said, turning the other way around.

Hange seated herself properly as she poured down her eleventh shot. “I’m… asking you… What are you going to do… now that there’s nothing left for us… y’know…”

He remained silent. Indeed, what is he going to do now that the cessation of the Scout Regiment is slowly approaching? He never really thought about the image of himself outside the walls, devoid of those man-eating monsters that has already received their end. But there’s no way in hell he’s ever going to resume any post in the military.

“Yeah... Levi?” Hange’s loopy eyes made her look shittier than she really is. Her dishevelled hair and loosened uniform made her look like a regular in the tavern.

“I’m not telling your drunk ass, Shithead.” He said in what he believed was his normal tone.

The bespectacled woman in her thick framed glasses cackled as she hung her head low with her loopy eyes “You drunk.., Levi!?”

The night went on. After thirteen shots of liquor, Hange was finally knocked down, leaving Levi alone in his nearing stupor. He finished what was left on the bottle they shared and decided to catch up with his sleepless night. Not that he ever gets a decent amount of sleep, anyway.

  
\---

Hange woke up in an uncomfortable couch on her back and an unfamiliar ceiling above her. The place has a disgusting smell and despite her glasses accumulating some moist and fog, she could say the place was filled with smoke and some sort of pollution. She wasn’t really sure how she got there but upon seeing the figure of Levi sitting on a wooden chair opposite her, she felt relieved and safe for her own drunk self. Her head ached like it would crack in two any second by now. She tried to sit upright but it was not helping her aching head and body all over.

“Finally up, Shitty-glasses?” she turned to see Levi staring at her. His leg was placed on top of the other, and his elbow was on the chair’s small arm. His fingers perched on the side of his forehead and he looked like he was expecting for her to finally wake up right at this very moment.

“You’re here, Levi!!!” she exclaimed in disbelief.

“Come on, Four-eyes. There’s no way I’d spend the rest of the night here.” He motioned for her to stand up which she obediently obeyed despite the hangover that might lead her towards insanity. He stood up and finally led the way out of the tavern.

“I can’t believe you can sleep there. It’s disgusting to think just how many people have used that couch as their fuckbed.” He muttered under his breath.

Hange laughed. Even she herself was surprised as to how she can talk and walk at least the right way despite the alcohol still kicking in her system. True, what Levi just said was filthy yet she can’t keep her eyes off the red marks on the side of his neck.

“Let’s talk about you, instead. Even humanity’s strongest gets kinky at times, huh?” she said, tapping his shoulders as hard as she could.

“Get your filthy hands off me, Shitty-glasses.”

They made their way to the headquarters past 4 am. Hange made sure she walked closer to Levi so that she could avoid any fall due to her ridiculously patterned walk. On the process, she never left the topic about the hickeys on Levi’s neck.

“I never really heard you’ve gone out with somebody, Levi. I’m not sure, though. But if you’ve ever kept your relationship with Petra before, I had some observations!”  
With that said, Hange didn’t hear a response from the short captain walking beside her. She felt like she just mentioned something terrible leading to the dropping down of the atmosphere among the two of them. She believes she can blame the alcohol at the moment but she’s not really sure if that’s enough for her to be pardoned at the foot of Levi’s mercy.

“Oh, must have touched a nerve.” She muttered, sighing inwardly. She’s never really used of the atmosphere between them just now. She immediately wanted to change it into their usual banters that have already become a routine amongst the two of them. But before she could even try, Levi came into a halt and spun around to face her, much to her surprise.

“And what observations did you have, Four-eyes?”

She stopped on her tracks. Releasing her long lost hypotheses from the past, she quickly answered without hesitation, “Well, I’ve ran out of some problems to put some theories on. I tried it out on humans and you were the best candidate out of them all! It’s not quite a burden, really. What I knew about you almost filled my paper in no time and there’s only one missing element!”

“You were conducting some shitty research about me without any form of consent?” Levi grimaced in disapproval.

“It’s just the way it is! You see, I had lots of candidates for you but there’s no other person that could fit in the image of your love life except Petra.”

Levi regretted his decision into entering this kind of conversation with Hanji. What he and Petra had was nothing more than comrades. He may have shared some intimate feelings with her but it was never acted out. In fact, he thought it was Olou for her all along.

“What makes you say so?” he asked. He’s making the best out of sounding monotonous and uninterested without even trying.

“There’s no mistaking it! She respected you a lot like any other soldiers under you, of course. She tries to please you with her skills, and with the delicious tea she made just for your taste and preference. She adores you, it’s evident! Even I could see the sparkle in her eyes whenever you’re around her. Levi, if you’re misleading my theories with that smirk of yours, I fucking swear-!”

“Oh? I’m trying to hear your shitty excuse of a theory just to meddle with my life.” He said, erasing his smirk from earlier.

She heaved a sigh and continued, “I know you care a lot despite that infamous scowl on your face. You care about your comrades; every life lost during each of our expeditions mean so much to you. I’m quite sure about Petra’s feelings for you way before the Female Titan appeared and killed your entire unit. I don’t know about how you responded to that feeling, though.”

“You must have some bullshit theory on how I responded, no?”

“No, I really don’t. But if I were to dig much deeper, I’d say you will wait for the right time until you decide to profess how you feel and get on to the next level. This next level must be this, when the titans have finally disappeared. Sadly, Petra wasn’t able to make it.”

**\--Hours prior**

“Levi, what would… you do… if I kiss you right now?”

“I’ll rip your fucking head off.”

And that’s when he got his hickeys that night. He could never believe he just made out with Hange of all people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wouldn't be surprised if Levi bathes five times after that. Apart from Hange's saliva, he just cannot stand the air pollution and dirt on each and every furniture in the tavern. Damn this clean freak.


	3. Fiery Spaces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Are you following me?" she asks, but doesn't meet my gaze.  
> "Yeah," I say.  
> "Why?"  
> I give her the only honest and true answer I have. "You're where I want to be.”  
> ― Simone Elkeles, Leaving Paradise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you worry, guys. I'm gonna edit this once I get enough time away from stress and school. For the meantime, please forgive me for this crappy writing.  
> I write for entertainment purposes only. Enjoy!

The scorching heat touched her face. She felt like the crackling fire was being sentimental on its own when in reality, it has every right to. It wasn’t some sort of plain debris caused by the war, nor was it the remains of the defeated monsters that caused her almost everything at a huge point in her life. What laid there were piles and piles of lifeless bodies that belonged under her and Erwin’s command. She must have recognized a few destroyed faces. But Hanji didn’t dare look at each and every impaired and dismembered limb with heads and hair colours barely recognizable.

She didn’t even feel the burning sensation in her head which pleads for sleep and rest. Her hangover from last night’s undertaking was a relief in a strange way possible. She was able to cry her heart out until daylight started to creep in and finally made her do what she was supposed to do this very morning.

She heard the crackle again. _Must be some overheated bones._ She thought about conducting a research about humans if bones really do crackle when placed in an extremely high temperature. She wondered whose bones were they. Had she been dead, would she be just as unrecognizable as her fellow comrades who have been consumed by the titans and thrown up mercilessly like this? She bet she would.  And there’s no telling it if being alive was a reward or a punishment. Each and every soldier fought their way to victory and she was able to live and see it with her own eyes. But at one point, the burden of her dead comrades must be a punishment and she would be carrying it for the rest of her life.

“You’re not supposed to be here.”

Hanji turned as soon as she heard the person who just spoke. His infamous scowl wasn’t there. It’s like there’s something in him that she can fully understand. It took him almost everything to conceal how he felt but with Hanji, he’s like a walking piece of bare data. Levi didn’t look at her. Instead, his eyes were pierced on the amassed burning corpses where Hanji could see the dancing flames reflected on his steel grey orbs.

“You’re not supposed to be here.” Hanji echoed but emphasized the first word of her sentence. “What business do you have here, shorty? You should be assisting the others at the south.”

She earned a glare from Levi and he immediately noticed how her eyes behind her thick-framed spectacles became unnatural than how it actually was. Her lids were bulging and he could quickly imply that it definitely wasn’t the effect of alcohol and lack of sleep. As for Hanji, she expected some foul words about how shitty she looked because of her eyes.

“You of all people should know very well how I loathe those Military Police. I can’t work with them. They’d join this pile of corpses if they keep on with their dirty mouths and lazy asses.”

“Well, of course. There’s no doubt you’ll do that. But say, Levi, I think we can still be together.” Hanji unblinkingly said staring at the hot flames and the smoke emitted above it.

“What?” Levi said, his brows almost meeting in annoyance or confusion or a mix of both.

“I mean, we may not exist as Scouting Legion anymore. Not under the authorities here, for that matter. I’ve been thinking about exploring the outside walls! I can’t stop thinking about the vast body of water with salt as its main component, or the wide land of ice, and we can discover lots of animals and plants that have never been found before.” Hanji said as she flashed a big grin and excited sparkly eyes.

“Brilliant. But what makes you think I’m coming with you?” Levi challenged smugly.

“Because I can’t see you here without us, not belonging in the army aside from the Survey Corps. And besides, I doubt you’ll never ever leave, anyway. This is such a perfect time to know what the world really is. The world we know here isn’t even a quarter of the world as a whole.”

Levi replied with a soft “Hn,”, acknowledging her words. They can’t be in here forever and live without seeing what the world really is.

“Tell me when you’re all packed up!” She slammed her fist in the air with a bubbly grin.

“How could you say that in front of these people, shitty four-eyes?”

Hanji fell silent, locking her gaze with him for a solid minute. He stared at her as if he’s thinking about the next word to retort after she says her own.

“What- Levi, this is our gift. A pleasurable punishment, I daresay. We managed to live just so we can fulfil their wishes. They didn’t die in vain. If it comes down to it, I’m going to declare over and over about exploring the world ahead. The world for humanity, the world where they gave their lives upon.”

It was a brief moment of silence with the orbs of clashing brown and steel grey. The atmosphere between them was nothing compared to the searing tornado in front. The sound of another crackle was heard, giving them a small amount of interval before one of them spoke.

“I’ll take my time to mourn.” Levi quietly said as he turned his back and walked away.

“Levi,” she called out, hesitating to say her next word. Had she been careful enough not to spill her thoughts, her pride might have been spared.

He stopped on his tracks upon hearing her say his name. He felt like there was a hint of hesitance in her voice as soon as she spoke.

“It would be really nice if you come.” She said, casting her eyes off from him. “I’ll take my time to mourn, too. And finding my peace is my way of moving on. I can’t move on here. I could no longer live in this place and expect myself to be happy.”

Levi eyed her quizzically. He felt like seeing another side of Hanji without feeling unfamiliar with her. It’s new to him yet it seems like she’s done this before. Come to think of it, in what circumstance did she ever made him feel this way? That feeling of familiarizing something you knew every detail of but still, confusion refuses not to settle in his mind.

“What does it have to do with me?”

She sighed, finding all the sensibility she has not to spew some rubbish. It always makes her feel uncomfortable when she talks about her feelings. She perfectly knew that in the world they live in, not knowing who would die and who would live with each expedition, they have to be honest with their feelings. She only has Levi who knows every inch of her sanity and its limits. She only has him to share peculiar humour with. Hanji only has him to talk about their past, with their comrades whom both of them shared precious moments with just before they died. In fact, she doesn’t know with whom she can relate with these things with apart from Levi. She doubts she’d ever be happy without him. With the belief that what she feels isn’t entirely about romantic attachment, she fully understands what she feels but could never bring herself to some kind of explanation.

“I thought I told you I can’t imagine you being here?”

“Not in the army.”

“All the same.”

“It’s not. I could take the civilian life.”

Hanji chuckled which made him flinch in a sudden realization that she just changed her persona. He’s quite sure his remark wasn’t amusing and it’s evident that her laugh didn’t reach her eyes for she laughs together with it when it’s genuine. He sometimes find it strange and convenient in some circumstances but somehow, she can truly be creepy in a way that pushes him to make a move and fix her immediately, just before she goes berserk.

“And do you honestly think you’ll live peacefully together with the people you labelled as swine? You forgot about the ruckus we’ve cause here for the past years, no? Or you do have other things in mind, Levi?”

Then it dawned on him that the kind of feeling he’s got about radical and unfeigned familiarity about Hanji is the shifting of her overly enthusiastic attitude to the intense sadistic vibe she suddenly gets and vice versa. She’s like another of a Titan-shifter. But for him, she’s way too complicated to deal with, and is almost incomparable to a titan's mindset.

He smirked, slightly mirroring her unusual manifestation of the inappropriate matter at hand. “You desperately want me to come with you, four-eyes? Haven’t the alcohol subsided?”

“I’m afraid yours didn’t.” She replied. “Had you been in a conventional mode of sanity, you must have been gone about two minutes ago.”

Levi hummed as he turned his back towards her. Indeed, she hit the bull’s eye right there. However, the truth is that the alcohol long subsided in his system. And if Hanji thinks about the idea of running away from this terrible place of a nightmare seem surreal for the reason of alcohol induction, then he better think that way, too.

\---

It was early in the afternoon when Levi submerged himself in his thoughts, fingers sitting on the rim of his teacup. Everyone was busy and tired. He just gained the exhaustion hence he chose to ram himself onto a quite corner and elicit another set of strength. The majority of his emancipated afternoon time was spent mostly on glaring at soldiers from the other military branch who works close by the training grounds.

It looked empty and devastated. The grounds which once upheld his companions, moulded them innovatively to survive and make huge differences, no longer looked like the ever intimidating training ground used for training. The shouts of the commander and squad leaders were replaced by the bellowing of the other soldiers who try to command one another by which it almost looked like they’re already close onto tussle. The course of a hundred laps as punishments for the cadets was replaced by the busy movement of replacing, fixing, and getting rid of the broken stuffs earned during the war.

Levi was a bit disturbed upon seeing a bloody green cape held by one of the soldiers.  He didn’t exactly knew what to do with it so he just put it on top of the mountain of wood and subsequently proceeded on his work. Levi watched as the wind threatened to blow it away. Deemed as a person who seems uninterested in everything when in reality, a person who values the worth of his comrades, Levi slowly left his empty cup and walked straight to the direction of the working soldiers ready to retrieve the rebuffed green treasure. But upon reaching his destination, a young boy in jade eyes showed up, bringing Levi’s attention to him.

“Hey, boy, you might as well want to bring this to your commander. She has her name on it.” A middle-aged man called out to Eren, gesturing for the green cape situated right on top of the wood just above him.

The boy shuffled in surprise at the man’s address to him. He dropped the heap of the leather saddles he’d taken from dead and missing horses in the aftermath of the war.

“Look who’s surprised. You don’t look like a guy who’s into older women but… I may be mistaken.”

Levi watched and listened from afar. Just who the hell does this guy think he is? And for Eren to react that way, perhaps he might have been so surprised with the sudden bid, leading the dumb bastard into getting a wrong conclusion.

“Quit speaking such inappropriate idea, sir.” Eren replied, reaching out for the cape and throwing it angrily on his shoulder. He got a glimpse of Levi which caused him to proceed his way. After giving a salute, he was immediately stopped by the shorter guy.

“I can give that to her.” Levi said, mentally swallowing hard because of a dumb suggestion he just made.

“Uhmm.” Eren stuttered, firmly clutching the fabric on his hand. “She- she just called for me, Heichou. I think… it’s better for me to drop by together with this.”

Eren’s response made Levi wonder whether he’s actually hiding something or he’s just plain nervous because of his superiority and the fact that he’s got no friends behind his back, or a painful combination of both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder what Eren's up to. Hmmmm.


	4. Recollection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If you know love like I know love when it is full and ready- like the pulse knows the tip of the blade before the cut- the blood rushing to meet its serrated edge. You would know love like I have if you have seen the sunlight in every possible gradation- if you can hear the birdsong beyond the rudimentary call- if you can distinguish between each cadence as it quivers through the air. If you get so cold sometimes that it burns or the heat gets so bad that your teeth starts to chatter- then you will open up your arms and take this dark thing into the fold and you will know love like I know love."  
> -Lang Leav

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little bit of lemon. lol. Sorry for this crappy chapter but I tried my best! So here it goes! :D

Night slowly bit the glorious hue of the sunset as soon as Hange shuffled through her cluttered workspace. She was in a hurry to deliver her third report regarding their latest and final encounter with the titans during the battle. Despite of her immortal enthusiasm about the latter, she seemed to grow tired with each detail she has to impart towards the higher ups. And it’s no easy task for her to relive the moment of all or nothing. 

She heaved a sigh of relief upon finding the report situated below her drawers. She hummed in approval and satisfaction towards herself and soon proceeded on encasing it in an envelope, sealing it tightly. The tired woman slumped down her wooden seat, thinking about eating or not eating her dinner before she leave. Also, the thought of checking the renovation and the cleaning up of the soldiers made her even more tired, making her feel the urge to put everything in a rush and take her time to rest soon.

It has been days since the gruesome combat between humanity and its predator, the titans. The injured almost came back to their usual state and were finally released from the infirmary. The physical trauma almost healed, almost vanishing, almost forgotten. But not with the wounds inside that will never become visible to the eye. The painful flashbacks lingered in her dreams. Not that she had plenty of dreams in her entire life, anyway. Hange had always been in a sour affinity with her dreams at night. And because she’s the complete opposite of herself during nightfall, perhaps that is why she has the heart to express herself out at any time of the day. A smile or a rather ridiculous grin is always casted upon her face since that was what she have decided to do to cope with so many deaths she have encountered in her entire life as a soldier. Closing her eyes in the cloud of her labyrinthine thoughts, maybe she could just get some power nap with the little amount of time she has.

A moment of silence reigned within her just when she heard a knock from the other side of the door. She invited the newcomer, revealing Eren who looked gravely fagged out.

“I’m sorry. I must have woken you up.” He said, seeing the relaxed position of the slouching commander on her seat.

“Thanks for barging in and reminding me of the work ahead.” She said, adjusting her sitting position, “Oh, I didn’t mean to sound sarcastic.”

The teenager looked at his surroundings, trying to figure out why Levi never ever managed to do something about the messy room of junk and disorder of a room she called her office. “May I come in?” 

“Suit yourself.”

Eren clutched a bloody green cape as soon as he stepped onto the wooden floor. Each step he made created a clean and satisfying mark which made him look like a walking mop of some sort as the dust accumulated the soles of his boots. “I believe this is yours, Hange-san. You might find this important.”

Hange studied the fabric on his hand with a face full of doubt, contemplating whether she should tell him something she isn’t exactly sure of, “Does it have my name on it?”

Receiving Eren’s nod, she continued, “I feel sorry for the entire burden of rushing your way towards here, Eren. I don’t think that’s mine.”

“What?” Eren almost shouted. An expression deemed normal for him of being a seemingly natural teenager throwing tantrums in the midst of any conversation.

Hange stared at him, her lips pulled to a small tug. “You see, a lot happened.” she paused, not really sure of her next words. 

Despite of having Eren by her side in the Scout Regiment and with all the troubles they have gone through together, she wasn’t exactly sure if telling him her personal insights and viewpoints would be less disquieting for her. Indeed, her uneventful carelessness at times wouldn’t be much of an excuse to explain him things that he would find absurd. Getting on with her real reason, she decided to just casually spill it out for she has already dug on his curiosity.

“After I survived the blast, I grabbed the nearest item that would be forever engraved in my heart. That’s like a symbol of a hundred chances I had on the thin line between life and death. But I guess I can call that my own. I have my name on it, haven’t I? Thank you.” 

As soon as Eren passed her the green fabric, she felt a tinge of pain, a consuming surge of dread and nostalgia combined as one. Feelings that are greatly in opposition yet in union with each other, where else have she ever encountered those kind?

“I think my efforts weren’t all for nothing upon coming here. I wanted to give you this.” 

Eren placed a hard bound book across her wooden table occupied with piles of paper works. It looked almost dilapidated and worn out yet absolutely interesting for her, just by looking at the glint of her eyes. He watched her carefully taking the book by her two hands and placing it nearest to her. Paintings that are too perfect to be just paintings flooded her eyes, feeding her to the well of new found excitement.

“We used to look through that and dream of the outside world. It contains lots of data that might be useful in research.” Eren pinned his gaze on the flipping pages of the book as he spoke, “That book belongs to Armin’s parents when they were alive. He thought you might be a little happier receiving that on your birthday.”

Hange stopped midway on her next flip. She shot her widened eyes on the teenager right in front of her, trying to absorb what he just said. Right, today’s her birthday, another number to her age in a somewhat newer and baffling phase of her life. She wasn’t able to keep track on the date because who on earth would even remember the day she was breathed with life in the present times of crisis where death was all inside of her head? 

“Ah, yes. Moblit isn’t here to remind me.” 

\---

 “Levi, what would… you do… if I kiss you right now?” 

Hange’s red cheeks made its way closer to Levi’s. Her hot breathe smelled exactly like the liquid on his glass which was threatening to fall on his grasp. His companion shook him slightly like he’s some sort of a sweet treat she never ever gotten her hands into. Grabbing him by the collar, she kept on trying to cut the distance between their faces.

“I’ll rip your fucking head off.” He said, firm enough to make her understand his rejection. He didn’t do something to push her away because honestly, there’s something in him that refuses the thought of it. Hange is his friend; she’s the only one he’s got in his life now. A friend, a comrade, an ever so noisy and nosy companion he don’t want to lose in any kind of mistake they can create together. She might not remember but it certainly means a lot to him. He doesn’t want to drive Hange away. She’s a veteran on dealing with how shitty his attitude is, his translator when he keeps on encountering difficulty in conveying his words, the person who can always distinguish, recognize, and relate with his weird sense of humour. Who is he to drive this person away? Where the hell would he ever get the strength in doing so?

Frozen on his seat and at Hange’s strong grip on his collar, he felt like he’s never going to make any decision at all. Not with the close proximity they have, not with the smell she’s beginning to bathe him with, not with those eyes that certainly calls for his affection.

But he wondered why, though. He felt like he just missed a prospect, and pushing her away would cost him a lot of disappointment by which he doesn’t even know why he’d feel that way in the first place. He’s made it clear upon himself that he’s someone who doesn’t deserve a kind of relationship Hange was suggesting in her course of action. He understands that she doesn’t possess romantic feelings for him nor to anybody else in the Survey Corps but for Levi, the infamous Humanity’s Strongest, cherishes such gesture as a kiss. He admits how shitty he is when the situation calls for intimacy which was long forgotten in his mind. He no longer wanted to be part of it and be left empty and incomplete after being fully attached to a person. He no longer wanted to delve in the ocean of madness when it turned out bad at the end. And he knew he’d be the only one suffering. 

To his surprise, Hange pushed him away, snatched the glass from his hand and drank it in one gulp. She didn’t look like she was about to stop until she can no longer feel her whole body. 

“Unfair. I got my courage at its highest peak and I wouldn’t remember this in the morning.” She murmured under her breathe, sounding all indistinct. “But this heat is terrible, I want something ridiculous.” 

Levi stared at the glass on her hand. Didn’t she know how big of a thing it is for him to think that they just indirectly kissed through the rim of that stupid glass on her hand? And he just let it slide. He’s still on his sanity while watching her do all of that but he didn’t do anything. Are all women this kind of a freak in situations like this? People must have expected a lot from the new commander but in reality, she’s just a regular woman in need of an aid in her exposure to alcohol. 

The captain awkwardly touched her finger on the wooden table in front of them. He’s quite sure about Hange not remembering anything what she said and did when she’s drunk. She got a lot of eye witnesses and he’s one of them. But tonight, not even a single soul would try to make fun of them when he decides to help this commander in need, right? 

“I don’t know how to help you, you know that.”

“I thought when I’d be so drunk I can get rid of this sadness, but all I can think of right now is the sensation I’m about to feel if I place my lips on yours.”

Had they been in the normal place and time and sanity, Hange must have already met the medics on the infirmary with what she just said. Levi doubts the both of them wouldn’t engage themselves in a huge brawl, though.

“So, for all this time you’ve been trying to hit on me, Hange?” he said, perching his elbows on the bar counter.

“Why, oh, Levi how could you say such thing? I just want to kiss you, that’s all.” She chuckled, surprising Levi by grabbing his collar again. This time, there was no hesitation on how abrupt she met the soft flesh on her lips.

Levi was taken aback of how she acted swiftly. He felt the wetness of her lips on his, devouring it wholly and hungrily. He never knew Hange could be this desperate just for a kiss. Or was he just insensitive all along? Her mouth danced through his lower lip, consuming it with passion and rage. Her eyes were closed, she must be feeling the sensation she longed to feel. He can feel some sort of stiffness from his abdomen and downwards. He was so amused of the thought that Hange, the person he least expected when it comes to something like this, could make him feel this way. 

He heard her moan the moment his mouth fell apart and her tongue quickly slid in, hissing inside like an overly excited snake. Levi, the person deemed as the most intimidating and badass in the Survey Corps didn’t know exactly what to do so he just let the exploring scientist lead him on her own. She chuckled inside of his mouth as she took his hands, placing one on her cheeks and the other on her lap. She probably thinks he’s a guy who’s never gotten laid before, eh? 

They went on in their heated action. Levi who had his eyes open all throughout, spotted a vacant couch nearby and led Hange towards it, trying his hardest not to break their making out. He regretted his actions because of how she struggled with their heights but nonetheless got the best of it when they’re seated comfortably on the ragged couch. Tongues clashing, jaws moving up and down with each sip they took in each other’s saliva, hands touching whatever they feel like touching, and this time, both of their eyes were shut.

Levi felt her tugging on his hair as she settled herself on his lap which wasn’t at all a good idea for his raging hormones below. Their lip-locking came to an end when she trailed kisses from his mouth to his chin, to his jaw, tracing it like a deprived lover. She went on to his neck, leaving kiss marks all over it with her satisfying sucking on his flesh, making it red and wet.

\---

Levi woke up in the dim sunlight at dawn. The faint five o’ clock ray of sunshine made its way to his windows, hitting the wooden floors. He knew the exact time without even looking at a clock, the very same time his body was used to wake if ever he gets some sleep. And today is a miracle. Dozing off on his wooden armchair at three in the morning and waking up two hours later. Great. It’s an achievement for him.

The first thing that bothered him was the stupid dream he’s got. But he wouldn’t really call it a dream. It was a recollection of memories from many nights earlier. He rarely ever gets a less traumatizing view in his dreams but this one is different. To top it all off, he thought dreaming rarely ever happens to him due to his lack of sleep. But why the hell would Shitty glasses show up in his dream, anyway?

He felt a disturbing knot in his stomach. Was it disgust? How on earth did he ever agree on her suggestion? It wasn’t like he didn’t enjoy it himself but the fact that he’s the only one who can remember it makes it rather hard for him. No, why would it ever be hard for him? Did he ever break his record on his vow to celibacy? Is it too hard for him to absorb that it was Hange, of all people? 

With those unanswered queries, he has yet to know.

Levi did his morning rituals. Dusting off a few of his furniture, making it all clean and spotless in accordance to his satisfaction, having a quick bath, wearing his uniform, and the most challenging part for him was tying the straps. 

But on second thought, he no longer sees the need to use any of those. The whole community has their attention on the renovation of their homes, trying to build sturdier buildings, weeping for their deceased loved ones once in a little while, and creating a new start in what seems to be an impossible feat they’ve ever encountered in their whole life. The marks on his skin depicted the glory of mankind, the straps which upheld all their responsibilities and missions.

Levi left his room with the fresh glow of light in the long hallways of the headquarters. He wore his civilian clothes which were decided half an hour of contemplating and reflecting on things. He was feeling funny all this time. He supposed the scars in his heart would never ever leave or will it ever pity him on the destruction it has caused him all this time. He cannot afford to lose anyone he knows and survived together with him. Anxiety has been building up inside his system after the terror of the latest battle. He wasn’t even sure on who to grieve, on what to grieve, on which and who to protect with his life, on whatever he’s going to do with it now, and to whom will he spend it with. He can always live alone but he’s afraid it might be the sole reason of his breakdown. Isolation sometimes isn’t the key to survive the ridiculous amount of pain a person could possibly feel. A stoic and taciturn person like him understand well how hard it must be when left alone for a lengthy time. People sometimes would prefer to blame themselves and inflict it internally, which of course wouldn’t bring any sort of positive feeling.

He found himself standing on a crossroad hallway that leads to four directions. What took his attention was a figure at the far end of the corridor, up the steep stairwell leading to a large balcony. The figure was too intriguing for him not to walk closer. Part of the sunrise was blocked by the traced silhouette which looked as if it just came out from a fresh painting in a dramatic scene.

Of course, it was too obvious for him who that person was. The glint of the goggles that was placed on the person’s forehead gave hint for him to tell her identity.

Hange.

And with the weird churning of his abdomen until downwards, he recalled his dream, no, a stupid memory from many nights ago. It shouldn’t be too hard for him to talk to her. He only has the said recollection of what happened, the only one to suffer, giving it a thousand times of playback. Why, then, would he be such a little child to deal with his trouble to determine what he really feels?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be doing my thesis right now but no!! Levihan is lifeu!  
> PS; Starting the countdown for season 2. omg


	5. Incessant Troubles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't talk shit."  
> -Levi Ackerman, every time someone says nonsense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, let's pretend the manga ended in Chapter 90 and this is the continuation.  
> (I own nothing but mere imagination on this fic)

The book spread out mightily on both of her palms as she leaned over the huge height that separates her from the ground. Hange absorbed all the information she has gathered and was extremely marvelled by the illustrations on the book. She never knew such places exist. For all these time, she realized how humanity struggled enough just because of the deprivation of information of the world as a whole. She felt sorry and ashamed about being known as the brainy crazy ass scientist in the Scouting Legion when in fact, what she knows isn’t even factual but mere theories and some pointless assumptions. Most of the people within the walls lived in ignorance, and she felt so frustrated with how they educated everyone just on senseless convictions. Now, even Hange herself starts to question her knowledge about everything. Aside from the book in her hand, all the revelations that they have managed to garner was hitting her right in the head. Good thing she was one of the few to seek and has never thought of giving up on finding the truth about mankind’s enemy.

Hange felt a strong and brooding presence just behind her. She turned to Levi’s direction as soon as she felt like she was being watched for a long moment. She left her index finger on a page of the book as she closed it, giving her a satisfying scent. How she loved the dust of a centuries old treasure, plus the smell it gives on each of its pages.

 “Don’t tell me you didn’t sleep.” Levi said with his unimpressed gaze, by which she believes was normal for the short grumpy captain. 

“Okay, I won’t.” grinning, she dug her fingers once again as she opened the book. This time, she felt Levi standing a few inch away from her side, looking at the glint of the reddish sunrise that threatens to make its way towards the gloomy evening on the other side of the world. The world, it looks rather different without the walls.

The mountains stood atop, the giant forest peaked at them like it was trying to scare them away by throwing up some giant cannibals at any given time. Hange took a deep breathe. She was no longer reading the book Eren and Armin gave her last night. Seems like looking through the piles of thin woods converted into paper the whole night seeps weariness inside her brain. Her thoughts weren’t much of a help either as she’s only reminded by the unimaginable measures she and the entire legion has done for the sake of humanity within the walls. And defying the demand of her tired body wasn’t at all a good idea, too bad for her to realize it too late.

“What’s the order of business for today?” Levi spoke after a matter of minute. He was still looking at the unknown horizon, and Hange thought he was trying to figure out what lies beyond, all the same with the enthusiastic ideas inside her head.

She heaved a sigh, closing her book again. Although she was a little frustrated with herself about not being able to read the remaining information in a short queue, she thought she needed a break. Yeah, she definitely needs some, the work and the reports that have been waiting for her on her table also need its break and they’re going to get it soon enough.

“I want to finish everything here and get on with my life.”

Indeed, she does. But rushing everything would definitely take a toll on her remaining drop of sanity and the aching muscle that have been deprived of workout.

She wonders how life must have been for her if she wasn’t the commander. She wouldn’t have all these reports and meetings with the higher-ups all by herself. Erwin would be in her place, alive. Heavily injured, but alive. But then, she would be the one taking care of the reports anyway. With Mike being there, he can do some of his reports and her burden will lessen, at the very least. But the silent blonde man already did his duty, the honour of protecting humanity from the vile intentions of the enemy. Somehow, she would also effectively manage with the help of Moblit. It wouldn’t have been too hard for her if he’s around. He will keep on with his naggings about her getting some sleep or eating meals at least three times a day. It’s pretty annoying sometimes but now, there’s no Moblit on her side, and she feel so sorry about being annoyed by her assistant doing his job like his life depended on it. If lives could only be brought back easily, if only titans can throw up the life they have stolen from humanity, if only it’s not that hard to cope with all the losses and internal damages.

All the soldiers under her command, they aren’t just nameless and faceless individuals, they also had a life. They had people waiting for them. But those people have been fed with the news of their loved ones’ death. The blood, the tears, the screams, the cries, the agony, the mutilated bodies in the massive vomit of the huge monsters remained outside of the walls, like some sort of fertilizer they became for the advancement of mankind.

“What?” said the confused Levi. Though it doesn’t show on his face, Hange knows he was confused. She doesn’t even know how she easily gets the tone of his voice or the little crease on his forehead or the little gesture that reveals his emotion. She believes it takes a lot of analysing skills for a normal person to be able to understand him. For Hange, he was like a preconditioned specimen in her care, unbeknownst to his knowledge, of course. And this specimen she has would forever be treasured by her, the only remaining soldier of her generation in the Scouting Legion.

“Oh, did I go too far?” she chuckled slightly. “Hmmm, aside from all the paperwork towering my desk, I have to check the on-going reconstructions, and then discuss the resources needed with all the rest of the commanders and those who are in-charged. The site on the giant forest that will supply us of our materials must also be checked and I needed to be there. I have to make sure about the well-being of the plants and animals that might be useful for research. We can’t mess that up, we don’t want to face extinction if we irritate their habitats. Then, I’ll be having another meeting with the higher-ups about the incident that happened in Shiganshina during the battle. They wanted a clear and detailed report. I guess they’ll spread the word now. Our hardships would be for nothing if they keep it forbidden. As what I’ve said—”

“I thought Arlert’s on with that.” Levi said, frowning. Her workloads have become heavier and heavier as time passed by. He thought she no longer has time to mourn for the dead or feel the freedom right in front of their eyes. Just as he thought mankind would finally be free from the cruel grasp of the titans, it kind of complicates his mind to see Hange struggling on her own. She even has her complete uniform on which awfully signifies the tough day ahead.

“Armin can discuss about it all by himself, but they wanted me for formalities.”

Indeed. The boy could easily be intimidated by those in higher command but he won’t easily be wavered if it comes to expounding the information gathered and what needs to be done. Despite all the brains Armin possessed, it still couldn’t be helped for people to fear him of his titan powers. He needs to be guarded and Hange will be held responsible of any hint of opposition and harm against the government with the slightest use of power. And as for Eren, Levi will be in charge of him.

“I heard Braus belonged to the forest once in her life. You can send her to take care of the site that will be violated. You going there will be a complete waste of time and energy.” He said nonchalantly although he intended to sound concerned, his voice merely betrayed him. Just as usual.

“Sasha can handle it just fine but there are certain sites I want to avoid. I have to see it myself.”

She may not sound convincing or reasonable enough but cutting down giant trees should be looked upon and must be profoundly examined. Sasha has been known as an exceptional hunter but Hange feared she might be overwhelmed and gets on to hunting wild animals instead of preserving their homes.

She heaved a deep breath and examined Levi. He’s a bit nosy today, isn’t he? Hange almost forgot about him with all the stuffs she drowned herself into. She’s way too busy these past few days and she barely had any conversation with him, which gives her a feeling of surprise upon talking to him at the moment.

“Kirstein can discuss about the resources with the other branches in-charged.” Levi looked at her, irritated. Why can’t she just assign anyone to deal with the aftermath of the war? They’re short on people and there’s no way in hell will she ever finish her work without tiring herself out. On another note, she looked tired and shittier than usual. The stress the titans have brought has been replaced by weariness caused by the baffling people on the higher rank

“I haven’t told him what needs to be said and done. My sloppy handwriting is no perceivable than that of my own signature, I couldn’t even understand it myself.” She chuckled, adjusting her normal eyeglasses on the bridge of her nose.

“And Jaeger can deal with the written reports. Ackerman will work with him so it will be a lot quicker.” He muttered, now looking at the book clutched on her hand. She even has time to read when there are lots of obligations waiting for her. “We’re short on people and you can’t have those shitty workloads all by yourself. Even Erwin won’t be able to handle all the stuffs you’ve mentioned in one day.”

Levi can feel the sudden change of atmosphere when Erwin’s name has been mentioned. He found her face dropping in an instant. Her small smile was immediately blown by the wind. Now the sun shone brightly, calling for another day, another set of hours for people to work their asses off. The slight pang of his chest upon remembering Erwin added up with the sight of Hange looking at him in concealed pain.

“I’ll check and assist with the on-going reconstructions while keeping an eye on the brats. For the meantime, you go get some sleep and replenish your strength for your meeting along with Armin later.”

He said monotonously. He sounded like he was in command instead of her, and he’s not used to it. Normally, he would be the one receiving the command, may it be from Erwin or from Hange. This time, Hange was trying to kill herself with all the workloads on her hand and he’s not pleased with that. Just as what he has mentioned earlier, even Erwin wouldn’t take it all upon himself all the obligations in one day. Levi’s only doing what needs to be done not only fulfilling his duty as a captain but as a friend as well.

She looked like creating any form of objection in her mind upon hearing his words. She heaved a deep sigh and paused for a bit, pursing her lips as she pondered.

“Trust the brats, shitty Four Eyes. This could not even be compared with the trouble they’re involved in the past.”

Indeed, the remaining soldiers under her command have gone through all kinds of shits for just a bunch of teenagers. From the very first day in their posts as soldiers, they’ve faced lots of problems in their lives and most especially, their emotions have been played like fire. Sure enough, tasks like this would be pretty boring for them but nonetheless, they will have it accomplished in no time.

Hange fell silent, thinking. It’s not that she didn’t trust them but rather, she have to attend with all the responsibilities shouldered on her. The higher ups have been pretty demanding lately but she’s sure as hell could knock their asses off if it comes down to it. She just wants the disbandment of the Survey Corps to go a little smoother and to defy people’s judgment upon them as an organization of irresponsible bastards with killing fetishes.  

Her face fell, trying to agree with Levi’s words and upon coming up with the decision of accomplishing two tasks for today, the gloomy man spoke before her.

“I figured we can at least look at the minor truths of the world. I’ve seen lots of animals that aren’t even present inside the walls and hell have I been a little curious with some beasts apart from titans.” He glanced at the book on her hand and immediately placed his attention on the dark hue of the giant forest. “It wouldn’t be bad if we’d be careful in choosing the site. Who knows I might build a home over there someday and I’d definitely prefer to look at all those big ass trees.” 

She would never know how Levi does it when he tries to joke around with a straight face. Hange sniggered as he finished. She knows exactly what Levi wants her to do but to think about him expounding his words further without getting to the point immediately as usual, it made him look like some struggling child in need of immediate understanding.

She grinned, placing her book on the railing and clasping her hands on top of it.

“Right, then. After the meeting, I’ll make sure to carry out the task you’re trying to say.”

Soon enough, Hange finds herself on the mattress of her bed, scanning through the pages of her reports. She can feel the drowsiness trying to creep in and not soon after, she laid outstretched on her bed, taking her time to sleep as if she’s got the worst hangover in her entire life.

On the other hand, Levi went to pass the instructions Hange left him earlier in the morning. Levi wasn’t surprised upon seeing Mikasa relieved with the thought of Eren working together with her in Hange’s office. He tried to warn them to never touch anything aside from all the towering paperwork in her desk, but he doubts they’ll mess up the other things, anyway. Levi brought what Jean needs to do and work on for the other meeting that will take place a few hours later. As much as Levi wants to help, he wasn’t confident enough not to lose his temper and talk shitty in front of those officers from the other branch. Without Hange or Erwin taking the lead to talk, he’s not much of a use in meetings.

Aside from Jean’s shitty attitude in the past, he seemed to work on his temper and could doubtlessly function in such conference. All he has to do is go through the struggle of understanding Hange’s handwriting and pass it on.

Since Sasha’s role in the forest has been taken by Hange, Levi thought it would be best for her together with Connie to work on the reconstructions instead. And lastly for Armin, he’d have to wait for Hange and travel together by horse towards the inner district.

Now that everyone’s under command, he thought for the celebration he has missed. He wasn’t even able to greet Hange on her birthday yesterday and everyone seemed to have forgotten, much to his dismay. He doubts she herself has even remembered. She tend to lose track of the day with how consumed she is in her work and it is such a great disappointment for her not to be praised for her hard work, not even on her birthday. Levi doesn’t really make a big deal out of birthdays but he thinks all of this is too much. She needs a little bit of a break and furthermore, Levi has to think of a birthday gift for her. Better late than never.

“What’s the point of building these when we’re not even part of this ruckus! Damn this Survey Corps bastards giving us the trouble they’ve caused.”

On the massive jeopardy in front of him, the debris was properly placed at least neatly. Dead bodies have been fully wiped out and the smell subsided in no less than five days. Most of the men at work belong to the military, other civilians also had the heart to help and assist. Some are unwilling and just playing the part of lazy ass scums, some are silent though inwardly sighing with all the destruction, some are just happy to help, thinking about how humanity just won over the enemy.

 “Look where the taxes led them. Fucking hell, if those suicidal bastards didn’t exist, we’ll be on our peaceful posts right now. They might as well rot in titans’ stomachs.”

The crease on Levi’s forehead became more apparent. Is the propaganda about the government and how the Military Police does their work aren’t even working on them or are they just arrogant crazy assholes who don’t even know their current place?

“Beats me, whatever their commander’s doing right now, he’s sure as hell be executed.”

“Damn I thought he looked like a nasty ‘she’ to me, but who knows?”

These motherfuckers will be meeting their ends soon. Levi balled his fist as he tried not to growl at them and make such scene. His cool demeanour instantly vanished once he made up his mind into beating the person into a pulp. How dare this shitty asshole talk something like that?  He stood in a distant, eyes glaring at the small group of laughing soldiers looking like a bunch of gossiping old ladies. One of them must have noticed how he glared, leading him into telling his other subordinates off.

“Captain, you say? Heard of him quite a hundred times but you must be mistaken. That fucktard’s a psychotic civilian.”

Levi was on the verge of punching the fucker off but was held back by a nervous Sasha gripping his arm. She must have noticed the raging atmosphere between his distance to the soldiers nearby.

“C-captain, we’re… we’re short on wood.” Sasha said carefully, looking tensed with Connie in tow.

Levi didn’t answer but observed the scene unfolding before him. The soldiers looked at Sasha and Connie wearing their complete uniforms and were absorbing Sasha’s words. It looked like Levi wordlessly proved who he was, still glaring at the men who scurried away from him like some lousy cowards.

“Oi,” Levi said in his hoarse voice. The men froze, but immediately proceeded on walking in a slow pace.

“I said, Oi.” He said, this time a little bit louder and more enraged.

Four men looked at his direction, trying to conceal their fear but nevertheless retorted. One of them said daringly, “What do you want?”

“Hey, be careful. He’s known as Humanity’s Strongest.” His subordinate nudged him on the side as he spoke, fear evident on his eyes.

“Humanity’s Strongest my ass. I thought he’d be a little taller.”

Levi didn’t really mind all the insults thrown at him. What really is Humanity’s Strongest to them, anyway? It’s not that they’ve seen a titan their entire lives which make them comment badly on the Survey Corps. But then, he can actually feel a sting on his chest upon hearing vile words regarding all the legion’s effort in driving the titans away.

“You piece of shit.” He muttered, taking the blades on Sasha’s 3DMG, startling her, and jumping right in front of the man, making him stumble backwards and Levi was cornering him on top with the blade pointed on his throat.

“The scouts normally don’t clean their blades because titan blood just evaporate into thin air, but don’t make me do so. People know I have this foul quirk in violence, and slashing up titan or human throats pleasures me more than anything else.”

Levi heard the rifles pointing at him as he spoke. The hidden fear on the man below him became much more evident with his words and his sudden action. Levi heard Sasha’s and Connie’s gasps in fear and surprise.

The captain absorbed and analyse his words. In fact, he was used to hearing such words about the Scout Regiment, anyway. What more is fucking new and interesting with his words aside from being personally mocked and the countering ideas of what the Military Police really does in their dark businesses? He mentally shuddered and anxiously blocked the stupid thoughts inside his head.

Are his actions and rage a little bit too far upon defending Shitty-glasses?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fck all the stress season 2 is giving us. argh


	6. Discreet Invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't know. I simply can't imagine my life without you. How else could I say this without sounding like a fucking weirdo?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haven't updated for quite a while. Been very busy with life and... have tended more on the eremika fic I was making! But no, I'm trying my best not to abandon any of my works here! Believe me, I have so many (crappy) drafts on my folder I couldn't believe I've managed to make! But here it is! Enjoy!

“You were a little disappointing today.” She eyed the soldiers beneath her while mumbling to the person who just landed on the tree branch where she stood. The glint of her glasses wasn’t at all warm and hospitable. Rather, it was devoid of any hint of amusement her eyes always possessed.

“I have no means to reflect and apologize to those lowly pigs.” He spoke, examining how she never changed her expression the moment he showed up. He knew better than fighting those arrogant rascals, nevertheless, he didn’t regret anything. “They deserve it.”

Hange shot up her visible remaining brown eye that has miraculously survived—much to Levi’s relief. He always had this great fascination to the color of her eyes. Full of emotion, transparent, excited, warm, and just… pleasing to look at. Though he wished her mouth could be just as silent as the stillness of her dreamy eyes sometimes. 

Her shoulders shook, laughing in pure sarcasm, “You should have told me. You don’t know how I loathed those bastards, do you?” she paused, “Beats me. I’d slice their necks open if I had the chance.”

She turned to him, and for the first time in a meanwhile, their eyes met. Levi felt like it wasn’t just earlier when he kept on organizing her schedules for her. It felt familiar and comforting, like he wouldn’t mind seeing it everyday for the rest of his life. It makes him feel like he’s at home, heedless of anything but the presence of security and care. He never wanted to lose the pair of the handicapped eyes that—instead of mocking him the first time they met, she showed him pure kindness and… well, that annoying face of her curiosity. For once, he never knew such person existed. He never knew he deserved her respect and kindness. And he’d never be able to convince himself that he, whose actions seemed to loathe her, wasn’t at all an act of annoyance and hatred. He’s way too comfortable whenever she’s around, and she’s way too understanding when it comes to his vile words and ridicules directly thrown at her. He knew he didn’t deserve Hange. He never did.

“Levi,” she said, the sound of his name on the movement of her tongue and lips felt slightly different for him, as much as he tries to deny that underlying assumption. It felt like he just discovered something new and he can’t quite figure out what it was all about. “Guess what’s the only thing those skunks keep on talking about the whole time during the meeting.”

Levi peeled his eyes off her and looked closely at the numerous soldier and civilians working their assess off in cutting some of the trees they needed for the reconstructions in the walls. Hange must have looked very carefully before allowing those men to start working. He knew all too well not to underestimate her level of inquisitiveness. She’s excellent at it. Even with the tiniest detail despite of her eye condition, she’d never let it become a hindrance.

“They fear human inhabitation outside the walls.” She sighed. “Can’t blame them. They’ve seen enough shit.”

“They don’t know shit.”

“Not too close to ours, I know.” She said, leaning on the nearby trunk. She crossed her arms across her chest while she spoke. “Nobody’s responsible for you once you step out of these walls. That’s what they said. Do you know what that means? They’d renounce us out of this wall-less place they think they still have privilege in.”

Levi watched her from the corner of his eyes. As he did so, he sat on the thick branch, one leg hanging on the air and the other perched on his side.

“I don’t need their permission. I can feed myself with food they could never afford.” He said, “There’s so much for us to discover out of this big world. I never knew I’d ever get to see the walls without its foundation. Now that I have, it’s time to see what’s beyond.”

Hange turned to him very quickly. The next thing he knew, she was sitting in the same way he sat, her excitement showing. Levi wasn’t so confident if her disappointment has finally died out, but well, this is Hange. She’s never hold any grudges against him.

“You’ve finally made up your mind? Are you coming with me?”

He grunted, unable to hide the amusement he was in fact quite feeling right now.

“What’s important is for me to leave this damned place.”

Yes, leave this damned place that always reminded him with all the blood and flesh eaten out of its life and energy. Leave the very place where he spent most of his short lifetime, leaving the rest of the memories that felt like a dream—no, a nightmare. People he cared about weren’t even alive anymore. His mother, Isabel, Farlan, Petra, Olou, Gunther, Eld, Erwin, and Kenny—much to his surprise.

“I’m glad.” Hange said quietly as she got up and checked her gears, ready to shoot her grapple hook. 

“Wait, Shitty—” he gulped mentally. Damn, “Hange.”

“Yes, Levi?” She said, looking at him earnestly.

“You don’t have anything to do tonight, do you?” He asked, ignoring the pounding fear in his chest. This was the very reason why he was here in the first place. It would be ridiculous to ask her, but it’s more ridiculous to back out because of what? This new feeling of extreme uneasiness he feels whenever she’s around. Heck. This was all because of that shitty dream. Damn. It isn’t. That wasn’t a dream. It happened for real. Those were memories.

She shook her head after pondering for a moment, “Do you have anything in mind?”

He hestitated for a while, thinking hard and bracing himself. It wasn’t at all easy. He felt like splitting his guts open and giving everything to her, unsure whether she’ll like how his insides look like.

“Do you remember that expensive tea shop you’ve mentioned before? It was in the innermost—”

“Levi, You haven’t even asked me for an off-duty tonight.” She muttered, tightening her grip on her grapple. “I don’t know exactly where that is but if I’d get to see the place along the way, I’ll remember!” Gosh, how could Hange talk like this after conveying how disappointed she felt like just a few moment earlier? “Nifa remembers! She can…” she trailed off, stopping when her eyes slightly widened in realization.

Sorry. Levi wanted so bad to say just how sorry he is that he wasn’t able to protect the members Hange had lent him in the previous mission. He was guilty he was even alive. Not only for the thought of Hange’s squad but of everything and everyone.

He hung his head in frustration, angered by the stiff atmosphere around them. Today, they just mentioned two dead people who are very close in their hearts. Levi didn’t feel very good about that. He knew she was hurting.

“I’d be glad to walk you there! Though you’ll waste my time and energy, I’d like you to treat me one special meal!”

Of course, that was his plan all along. How else could he make her feel a little bit unburdened? Light? Easy? How could he make her forget just how cruel this world really is even without the presence of the titans? How could he make her happy? She deserved just as much. Taking over Erwin’s position as commander hasn’t at all eased his mind ever since. He knows all the bullshit he’s gone through. Heck, it even cost him his life. Titans or humans (well titans were humans), he knows he can’t let his guard down.

Now that he’s thought about it, it feels somewhat clearer.

  
Unlike Erwin whom he obeyed until the end, who chose to give up his life for the future of humanity, unlike Erwin whom he wasn’t able to save, the title of Commander before Hange’s name just couldn’t stop bugging him out.

And of course, he knows she’s strong. Too enthusiastic sometimes but still, she’s strong. His head couldn’t get over the fact that something strange keeps on building up inside of him. Something like he’s too eager to protect her even if it takes sacrificing his own life. Something like he couldn’t imagine himself alive without her. Heck, he’d rather die. Still, this is Levi. He’s nothing but a mere soldier who’s given his life to humanity. He has no time for personal life. He has no time to be happy. Perhaps being an Ackerman was a curse. Nothing’s permanent, nothing lasts for a lifetime. His happiness will be taken away from him because… he simply has no right to be happy. 

And he’s afraid she’s become his happiness. Maybe that’s why he’d set his mind into not giving in to the very stupid feeling that was trying to blow him away.

Unfortunately, now that he's thought about it, he realized what it really means to treasure those who are there. The people who remained. To cherish those who are yet to be retrieved by death.

He may have failed to protect important people in his life. So many failed attempts upon keeping them away from harm and danger. They're gone. His strength couldn't counter their inevitable deaths. However, he can't be wavered. He still has people in his life.

He realized he has someone to protect—who to offer his life for. And he'd never be able to voice out who that person is. That one person smiling faintly in front of him, with disheveled hair and sullen eyes. Soul drifting away together with the memories of the horrible visions of yesterdays. 

And he has to save her. Even if saving himself comes next to impossible, she's his to protect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was short. Up next! Hange's late birthday celebration with Levi.  
> PS: Belated Happy Birthday to my favorite four-eyes, Hange Zoe!


End file.
